(impossible) wish.

lg galau abiiiiisss, eh malah makan cabe. uhm, i mean denger lagu galau wahahaha. but i dont care, how much tears run down it wont be empty. HAHA.
eeeiii btw gue nulis smbil denger lagu yang (belum tentu) gue harapin. ask me why. ASK ME!
haha kidding.
judul lagunya "marry ur daughter-brian Mcknight"

 

Sir, I'm a bit nervous
About being here today
Still not real sure what I'm going to say
So bare with me please
If I take up too much of your time.
See in this box is a ring for your oldest.
She's my everything and all that I know is
It would be such a relief if I knew that we were on the same side

Cause very soon 

I'm hoping that I...

Can marry your daughter

And make her my wife

I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life

And give her the best of me 'til the day that I die, yeah

I'm gonna marry your princess

And make her my queen

She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen

I can't wait to smile
When she walks down the aisle
On the arm of her father
On the day that I marry your daughter
She's been here every step
Since the day that we met
(I'm scared to death to think of what would happen if she ever left)
So don't you ever worry about me ever treating her bad
I've got most of my vows done so far
(So bring on the better or worse)
And 'til death do us part
There's no doubt in my mind
It's time
I'm ready to start
I swear to you with all of my heart...

I'm gonna marry your daughter
And make her my wife
I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life
And give her the best of me 'til the day that I die, yeah
I'm gonna marry your princess
And make her my queen
She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen
I can't wait to smile
As she walks down the aisle
On the arm of her father
On the day that I marry your daughter

The first time I saw her
I swear I knew that I'd say I do

I'm gonna marry your daughter
And make her my wife
I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life

And give her the best of me 'till the day that I die

I'm gonna marry your princess
And make her my queen

She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen

I can't wait to smile
As she walks down the aisle
On the arm of her father
On the day that I marry your daughter 

 emg sih tu lagu judulnyna tentang pernikahan.. but isnt mean that i wish i get marry fast. you kidding? haha.
cm gue ngarep aja, ada org yang berjuang buat gue,walopun dia harus ngalahin rasa malu dan takutnya..
"berjuang" disini gaharus fisikly, bisa aja "berjuang" buat senyum walau sedih(jiah),"berjuang" for make simple thing feels like deep thing, "berjuang" for stay longer with him/her if they need it, "berjuang" nahan marah, etc. masih banyak hal yg simple untuk diperjuangkan. gaperlu yg gede2 jg, ntar keberatan malah gepeng lg *apa deh*.

tapi sayang bgt, gaada yg berjuang buat gue. ato mungkin gue gangerasa kali yah?. uhm whatever lah,gue skarang ngerasa hampa. gapunya tujuan buat hidup,walaupun disekeliling gue bnyk yg sayang gue, tp gatau knp gue gabs ngerasain itu.. syndrome dead-feel kali wkwkwk.

gue takut buat ngarep haha (biasaaa, korban PHP). gue iri liat org2..kok mrk bisa hv fun dll. not about the money, but the environment mereka..Gue minder..

okey back to the song.
 gue pengen dipuji jg :P pengen dibanggain walopun mengecewakan, pengen di belain walopun aku yg salah, dan lain hal.
yaaaaah itu cm skedar harapan yg gamungkin trjadi kan?
remind me. i'm a trash.

the reason..

kamu tau ga.. aku kangen kamu yang suka bikin aku ketawa.. bukan yang suka marah2 sm aku..
aku udh cukup bosen dengan semua tekanan kyk gini..
aku butuh kamu.. jadi pendengar aku
kamu tau ga knp aku slalu minta putus?
aku takut akan lebih menyakitkan liat kamu menderita krn aku..
aku bukan menyerah..
aku masih berusaha..
aku malu minta maaf sm kamu
aku iri liat temen2 kamu yang bs ketawa ketiwi, seneng, dll, sm kamu. aku iri..
hun tolong bgt.. ngertiin aku.. jangan tekan aku juga
aku takut aku malah pengen lebih cepet mati.
aku mohon dengan sangat.. untuk 1 bulan aja..

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

aku pengen hidup tenang..
sekolah? aku tau aku harus kesana.. tapi aku takut..aku takut ketakutan ku menyiksa aku..apalagi kalo kamu memaksa aku..
aku punya ketakutan sendiri..

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

aku gamenyerah, tapi aku berusaha menenangkan diri aku buat kamu.
buat hubungan kita.
aku gakuat jauh dari kamu..

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

apa yang kamu butuh dari aku? aku cb kasih ke kamu. aku janji.
tapi tolong dengan sangat, jangan usik diri aku, biarlah aku yang nyari jati diri aku.

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

 aku belajar banyak dari kamu, tapi aku gatau kenapa bbrp bulan terakhir kamu ngjauhin aku.
kalo udh gasuka bilang aja.. aku takut lbh sakit lg..
hun kamu tau kan aku suka nangis?
lebih banyak aku nangis waktu mikirin kamu..
kamu penting bgt buat aku

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

and the last word, I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS LOVE YOU. FOREVER.

Together we are facing the world

with love,
ayu putri.
to my love,
matius kristian.

 

argh.

what the? ngeselin bgt tau ga. tempat pelampiasan tu udh gaada. pengen teriaktp dmn? disini? gabs, gue emosi berat. gatau deh beratnya semana. 1 ton aja kurang kali..
gue benci ama hidup gue sekarang.. same like HELL.
life? whats that? i dont know.
love? whats that? i dont know.
happiness? whats that? i dont know.
joy? whats that? i dont know.
smile? whats that? i dont know
actualy I DONT KNOW EVERYTHING!!
and no one want to teach me.
to show me
to help me

mrk semua nuntut! gapeduli ama gue. tutup telinga buat gue. tutup mata buat gue.
apa gunanya hidup?
mati.

again..

kadang kosakata "again" banyak dipake buat sesuatu yg memang diharapkan dateng lg, tp beda di kasus gue.
why?

"again" selalu berarti sial. yup, kayaknya gaada "again" yang enak buat hidup gue..

i wanna back to my HOME. my truly H.O.M.E.

B.R.O.K.E

gaada kata pembuka ya, haha. maapin, lg galau berattttttt.
huah sebenernya bs nangis terus kalo diceritain lg.. u know why? hati gue tu udh ancuuuuurrrr bgt!melebihi org2 yg paling ancur sejagat.
dan siapa yg udh ngancurin? paling banyak tu "F.A.M.I.L.Y"
mrk semua jahat bgt yah, perasaan dr kecil ampe skrg, gue gapernah tu ngerasain disayang mam, papa.. tp mrk ngancurin gue. dan kalian tau, hidup gue udh ga berharga.. gue udh ninggalin Tuhan. gu  takut buat balik ke Dia.. gue iri ama yg lain.. bs ngerasaain ksh nya Tuhan.. pelukan Tuhan.. gue ngerasa hampa. dunia masa depan udh gaada lg di mata gue. tinggal harapan aja, dan itu jg gamungkin tercapai kan?
gue tu pembawa sial.
pembawa masalah.
anjing lbh berharga dr gue.
setan.
yah itu semua kata2 dr mereka yg emg pantes buat gue.
knp ya Tuhan ngebiarin gue idup..
Matt, kamu gangerti apa yg ada dalem hati aku.. kamu tau hati aku hancur, tp kamu anggep itu spele, kamu gangerasain sakitnya aku.. aku udh sama aja kyk tanah yg memang di injak2. aku ngerasa gapantes buat kamu.. tp tunggu waktunya aja dmn aku bisa  brusaha bahagian kamu..
hun aku gapunya keluarga lg, mrk bukan keluarga ku, mrk hanya p-lampiasan aku.. waktu aku udh dipelukan kamu nanti, mungkin.... itu saat terakhir kita. yah aku gatau apa yg bakal trejadi.. duniaku sudah runtuh, hancur berantakan..
jangan sakitin aku lg..
bahagiakan aku..
apus air mata aku..
jgn tinggalin aku..
angkat harga diriku..
look my eyes then u know.
hug me with your whole love pls,

love you,
matthew christian.

I CRIED more than you know. I SHOUTED more than you hear. I RUN more than you chase. I OFFENDED more than you sick. i have see the all world except the JOYFULNESS.